Heaven

In church this past Sunday, Pastor Stan spoke on the subject of heaven. He mentioned how the bible speaks poetically about heaven. When Paul attempted to speak of his experience, he couldn't put into words what he saw because it was too amazing. There are plenty of references to that we "rest in peace" or "sleep in death". He said that he does not know what heaven will be like, but he just knows that it will be incredible.
I question so often whether or not when we die if we go straight to heaven or do we "sleep in death" to where there is nothing until the Lord comes back. I wonder even more now since Daddy is gone....is he in heaven, or is he simply resting in peace? It honestly scares me to think about the moment of death, when we are no longer here. I am so afraid of there being nothing (aka sleeping in death). But, then again, I will not know that I am just waiting on God to return. "Years on earth is but a second in heaven". It still is a very scary thought though.
I do not think that we are meant to know all of the answers, I do not think that our human minds can wrap around what is waiting for us on the other side. I believe (even though it's easier said than done) that we just have to trust in Him and know that whatever the case, heaven is more than we can ever imagine and know that he will take care of us.

26 weeks down and counting!

So far I'm not doing so great at writing in this blog very often...so I'm making a new year's resolution (in the middle of the year) to write in here every Thursday! Thursday's mark my weeks in pregnancy, so that can help me remember!

So, today I am 26 pregnants, or 6 and a half months. Here's a picture from tonight:

It's gone by so fast, yet it feels like we have so much further to go! We went to our first Childbirth class tonight. I was so excited! We'll go every Thursday for the next 6 weeks. The teacher was great and I hope we learn a lot and it will calm some of our "nerves". Kenna will be here before we know it!

We registered 2 weekends ago - Babies R Us & Target. To be honest, I was disappointed with Target's options. Granted, they do not specialize in baby stuff, but still... We had a great time though and were exhausted by the end of the day!

I'm trying to walk 4-5 times a week, 2 miles at a time in our neighborhood. So far I've gained 20 pounds, and my doctor wants me to stay between 25 and 30 pounds. That's going to be hard to do! He said I was ok now, but to be careful between now and delivery because "chubby babies make for hard deliveries". You'd think you wouldn't stress so much about your weight while pregnant, but it's really hard when you're hungry ALL the time it seems and you have some weight restrictions. Well - I'm trying!

Other than that, we are trying to get Daddy's business sold. It is VERY stressful to say the least. 2 of the partners from my firm are helping me, so that is wonderful. But still, it is very big decisions that will affect all of us, and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders some days. I try to take one day at a time, and pray my way through all of it!

Brian is healing well from his shoulder surgery (which was 4 weeks ago). He had some torn ligaments and some bone spurs from playing sand volleyball. Hopefully he'll be able to hold Kenna fully healed by the time she gets here!

That's all for now - we'll see if I actually do write again in a week! Going to try! :)

Due Date Countdown Widget

It's a GIRL!!

We found a place called 4D Peek that claims they can determine gender at 15 weeks - so we went yesterday, at 15 weeks 1 day pregnant. It was a very nice clinic and the lady that owns it was wonderful. She had a huge projection on a wall of the ultrasound where we got to watch the regular 2D ultrasound and the 3D also. It was amazing! I was in love just watching the baby move and kick and "dance". I wish I could do that every day!
After about 10 minutes she said "You don't think I'm going to tell you right away, do you?" We were so anxious! The baby was being a little stubborn and turned her back to us for a while. After about 15 minutes, she said "And there's a GIRL's bottom!" I was like "GIRL???" in my head. I just KNEW it was a boy - I was wrong! I was in complete shock for at least an hour after that :) She let us watch her for about 15 more minutes move around - she was using the sides of my uterus to kick off of. She's active, that's for sure! We bought a baby blanket there that is pink and has "Baby Girl" with a stroller embroidered on it then we went to Target and bought some more pink stuff. Of course we sent out our mass texts because we knew people were waiting!
After we went to Mama's house and told her and Christi. They just knew it was a boy too! We let them watch the video (we have the whole thing on DVD" and the whole time they were saying things like "HE's so big" and "look at HIS" arms. Then they saw GIRL across the screen and they screamed!
Such an exciting day. We can't wait to meet her (6 months from now!) and bring her into our family. We are very blessed and thank God every day for her. Now...we just need to agree on a name!

Baby On The Way!!!

We found out on February 20th that we were going to have a little one! The due date is October 29th and we are SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited! I am now 13 weeks along and actually starting to show! So now I don't just feel pregnant, I'm starting to look it too :)

When I took the pregnancy test, Brian was playing poker and wouldn't be home for another 3 hours. When I read "pregnant" on the screen (it was digital) I screamed and jumped up and down. Toby hid under the bed for a while :) I had to keep going back and looking to make sure it still said pregnant :) And it did!

I was soooooo anxious to tell Brian, but didn't want to call and tell him (I wanted to see his face!), so I went to Target. I got a onesie that said "I'm a cutie, my mom's a babe, and my dad totally rocks", a pregnancy book for dad's, and another set of pregnancy tests. I put the onesie, book, and the test with a ribbon tied on it in a gift bag. When Brian got home, which felt like 15 hours later, I listed to him go on and on about the poker game (it at least felt that way at the time) and then gave him the gift bag. He said "Really??? Like REALLY really?!?" I told him yes and then he practically tackled me! He was so excited, he called his brother Brett right away :)

We told Daddy, Mama & Christi the next day. I gave Mama a onesie that said "If Mommy says no, ask Grandma". Christi got a "baby" frame that said "Congratulations Aunt Christi" where the picture would go. Daddy got a "Grandchildren" picture frame that read "1st one to arrive in October" where the picture should be. They were all so excited! I'm glad that Daddy got to know and be excited about it for a few weeks. He did tell Mama though that his heart hurt because he would never get to hold his grandchildren. He said "Well, you know it'll be a girl - we don't have boys in this family!" We'll see if he was right the end of May!

We've already begun talking about names, and can't seem to agree on one! Well, boy names are hard enough as it is. But, we have to decide sooner or later! We heard the heartbeat a few weeks ago...and it was completely amazing! I'll keep everyone posted :)


Here is me at about 8 weeks:
















Here is me at 13 weeks (today):

David Wayne Cotham February 23, 1953 - March 5, 2009

Daddy passed away on Thursday, March 5th, 2009. I haven't been able to write about it yet, and it's still not easy seeing a death date after his birth date. I think that will take some getting used to. I still can't believe it is final...I still catch myself wanting to call him and tell him about something, and then sadly remember that I can't. I do know that one day I will get to see him again in heaven, and that I have a personal guardian angel. I cannot say enough about how wonderful he was, and how thankful I am to have him while I did.
He was in my dream the other night, and we were playing softball. It was like I was 17 years old again, and he was as healthy as he could be. I like it when he is in my dreams, because he is like the "old" Daddy I want to remember - the healthy & happy one.
I am glad that Daddy is no longer suffering and that he can now take long deep breaths. I just wish that he was still here with me too - and for that I am kind of selfish. But, I am such a Daddy's girl and still can't imagine the rest of my life without him in it. I know that he will always be in my heart and I can carry the memories, but honestly that just isn't enough. But in reality, it's going to have to be.
Daddy knew how much I loved him. I asked him about a week before he was gone, "Daddy, you know how much I love you, right?" And he said "Yes, honey, I do". He had on his green & black Elk p.j. pants I had gotten him a few Christmases ago :) I just had to make sure he knew, because if he didn't, I was going to tell him. For Christmas this past year, I wrote a book titled "Daddy's Girl" and had it published for him. Every chapter was a different part of our relationship as Daddy & daughter, and how much I appreciated everything he had done for me, complete with pictures. It's hard to say things sometimes and to be able to get them out, but when you write them down, it can come out much easier. He told me that was the best gift he had ever received. I have it on our coffee table in our house now.
Daddy was my best friend. I miss him every day. This will not be the last time I write about him...because his memory still lives in my heart.

Daddy Update

I went with my parents on the 6th to Daddy’s dr. appt. We thought that they would have the results from a test to see if he was eligible for a clinical drug. However, the results were not in. Daddy told the doctor what physical problems he was having, including cough, painful joints, headaches and swelling. There were not many answers.

Last week he and Mama met with his radiology doctor. Daddy said that he prescribed him something for his cough, something to relieve his painful joints, and an antidepressant. I really hope that all of these help because he has been in so much pain it is hard for him to walk or simply get out of a chair, and his spirits are very low and often cries.

He has another scan on March 13th which will tell us more. The last scan showed that the cancer had not grown, but also has not shrunk. They (all the doctors) will determine the next step from there. Daddy also goes to a neurological doctor tomorrow to see if he can be released to take some tests so that he can “legally” drive. This would be such a small victory for him.

This past weekend he spent in Hickman Co in the new "Camp Cotham". For those of you who don't know, Daddy was in the process of building a new cabin when he had his stroke last July. It is almost finished, and it is a light in Daddy's life right now. He had some really good days...a number 6 or so he said. (He lets us know how he feels in numbers on a scale from 1 to 10, and usually he is about a 2). I went with Mama to pick him up on Sunday, and he talked all the way home to me. He was so excited and looked so good in his jeans, cap, and button up shirt compared to his usual attire of sweats. When we got home he broke down in tears because he said he was starting to think he was never going to feel that good again. I pray that Daddy has many many more high number days ahead!

Thank you for all your support and prayers!