In a week from tonight, Brian and I will be attending an informational meeting at an adoption agency we are leaning towards - Bethany Christian Services. I am excited and scared. There are so many questions, yet, I don't know how to put the questions I have into words.
Lately there have been a lot of "signs" pointing us towards adoption, which I feel we are destined to end up. I met a lady at Kenna's gymnastics class who just adopted a baby boy, a precious baby boy, who is HER SON. She is HIS MAMA. Just seeing her hold him and love on him...there is no doubt. She also has a biological daughter, but after finding out she had a chromosome issue, they decided to adopt instead of having another biological child. We happened to run into her and her family out to eat one night - completely random. I think it was a sign. At the mall, at church, at preschool, at the Y today - I have seen so many parents with children that they have adopted (obviously). AND, I received an email from a client with a link to his wife's blog about the story of adopting their baby girl after the wife struggled with secondary infertility after their first child because of endometriosis...ring a bell?
One of my biggest concerns with adoption is the nature vs nurture issue. However, just because I didn't know all of Brian's ancestors (or mine for that matter), it didn't keep me from having a baby with him. Plus, I know I have certain issues (anxiety & depression - which I take medication for and it stays under control, lung cancer runs in my dad's side, and horrible vision to name a few), but that didn't stop me from having Kenna, or trying to have another one. EVERY family has their "issues", right? We ALL have problems we have to deal with. So, what is the difference in raising a child whom's genes I don't know exactly? We are ALL God's children. We are ALL different. I think I just answered my own question.
So, the title is "simultaneously moving forward" - that's because I'm also taking medicine for fertility treatments. Daily right now I take prescribed Estrace and Progesterone. This is a certain protocol that is supposed to trick my body into doing what it should do on it's on, then try and get pregnant before it figures out that's not how it normally operates. I also take recommended supplements and vitamins daily that make my purse sound like a walking medicine basket - CoQ10 (3x day), DHEA (3x day), prenatal vitamins, fish oil, and L-Arginine. After this cycle (or the next) with all these meds, we are planning on doing one more IUI with Clomid. I have come to terms that IVF is not for us.
So, with all that said - WE ARE MOVING FORWARD. I no longer feel stuck. God is with us in our journey. We are not alone. I make a conscience effort to remember this every day, but it does bring some peace to some extent. I also have a cute blonde headed green eyed little girl that makes things brighter :) Thank God for her.