Monday, February 24, 2014

Why does God...??

"Why does God want my cousins to have 3 kids in their family?" Kenna asked me on our way to church yesterday morning.

She first asked "Why are there 3 kids in my cousins family?"

"That's how many babies Aunt Jess had."


"Because that's how many God wanted their family to have"


"Mama, can we have 3 kids in our family?"

"Yes, if that's what God wants. We have to wait and see how many kids God wants in our family. But we know he wanted us to have you!"


Kenna - "Waiting is no fun".


She is right. Waiting is no fun; especially when you are waiting on something you want SO BADLY.  It is so hard to comprehend why God chooses our struggles specifically for us. I believe God has chosen me to go through certain trials in my life so that I can share them with others; so that they may have a soft place to land by confiding in me their own struggles. I was physically, verbally and emotionally abused and cheated on in my first marriage. I have suffered the loss of 3 unborn babies. I lost my best friend, my Daddy, almost 5 years ago to lung cancer. I suffer from depression and anxiety. And now we are trying to have a 2nd child, for 3 years now. I have had so many conversations with people because I have been through these things. I can empathize, understand, and listen with an open heart and mind. I don't always comprehend at the time "why me", but God has a way of showing his perfect timing in the end.

We are still waiting to adopt and still trying to have a baby "naturally" despite our odds. Our view is that "whatever God brings us first". I take NINETEEN pills a day for fertility boosting. (Don't worry - they're all safe). These include various vitamins, supplements and antioxidants, along with Chinese herbs. I have been going to a fertility acupuncturist once a week since last fall. So...I guess I am trying to "assist" God in bringing a baby! ;)

It was fitting that Kenna asked me "Why does God..." yesterday, as it was Daddy's birthday. I question so often why God took Daddy from this earth before he met Kenna, a child that would have made his whole world! But God also brought us Kenna at a time in our lives that were the hardest - we found out we were pregnant with Kenna just 2 weeks before Daddy passed. He has His perfect timing.

So, we wait.

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