Our brain has a way of protecting ourselves by keeping us from remembering all pieces of a traumatic experience or time in our lives. A lot of parts of my first marriage are blurry, just glimpses of time that sometimes pop up, just little bits of certain moments. Not knowing when it happened, why or where along that part of my life it was. Some of it is such a blur...but there is one moment that is played over and over.
We had this nice house, with almost all of the rooms furnished but one. It was to the left when you walked in the front door...I guess what you might call the sitting room. It was carpeted, with a railing around the wall. The rest of the house was furnished with little decor but nice furniture.
I don't know what I did to set him off in the middle of the day, but I was thrown against the wall in that unfurnished room. My whole body going up in the air and across the room until I hit the railing on the wall and then slid down. Before I could get up I was being kicked. In the stomach. In the back. I fought for him to stop, but he just yelled "crazy bitch" at me and some other things I don't remember.
The next moment his hands were around my neck, choking me. I do remember thinking, this is it. He's going to kill me. I fought and I scratched for what seemed forever. I don't know why, but he let go. Walked upstairs and went to bed.
I was too scared to call anyone. I may have not been able to. One time he broke my phone on the kitchen floor - but I don't remember if that was this same day.
I went upstairs and laid on the bonus room couch, blankly watching TV. After he woke up, he came in, laid his head in my lap with his pillow, like nothing ever happened. I was too scared to move. The only thing that lingered were the bruises on my neck.
I'm so sorry you went through this. Domestic Violence is such a sad situation. :(
ReplyDeleteNo one deserves to be abused....physically, emotionally, verbally, etc, yet somehow the victim typically thinks its something they did or id they has done something differently, it wouldn't have happened. I'm so glad you arent in that relationship anymore, and thank you for sharing this side of with so many
Its a good thing i had zero knowledge of this because had I!!!! I would be in prison for killing his a$$! I would not have thought twice about it. I knew something about him was off. I love you girl I know we dont talk everyday but you are still hands down one of my bestfriends ever.
ReplyDeleteWow! I never knew you went through such trauma. You are so brave in sharing this. There are a lot of women that needs to see survival stories. What a jersey. What kind of man does that to a woman...you should have thrown some hot grits on his ass!
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